Dec 2008 Match Reports

Sunday 14th December 2008

League, John Ruskin playing fields

Portland FC 4 - 0 Banter Central FC

Team: Wuker; L.Dancer, Tino, Boma; Jewish, Fintan, Gillardino, Cling, Pasty (Bushy, 46 mins); Adkins, Lee

Our worst result ever. I wrote my column in the Croydon Advertiser this week talking about how much we've improved, moved on and put last season's shit behind us. That's clearly bollocks thanks to everyone out there today. You've made me look like a cunt and I'm embarrassed by that display.

Wuker - 1 - An absolute shower of shit. Dropped the 1st and watched it trickle in, was in no man's land for the 2nd and dropped the 4th for a tap-in. Then got booked for a disgraceful lunge 40 yards from his goal.

L.Dancer - 5 - Not too bad in either defence or midfield. Still quiet.

Tino - 5 - The best of a horrible back 3 in the second half, but that doesn't say much.

Boma - 3 - Less than half the player of recent times. Quiet, not committed, too casual and played some hospital passes out of defence.

Jewish - 5 - Did well first half, was absent in the second.

Fintan - 5 - Good first half and was so badly starved second half was made to look anonymous.

Gillardino - 5 - Not good enough by his or anyone's standards.

Cling - 6 - Actually tried. And communicated. Everything else by comparison is irrelevant.

Pasty - 3 - Terrible half, replaced by Bushy. Shouted for the ball alot going forward but was no-where near the position he needed to be. Casually jogged back when his marker was belting down the winger on too many occasions.

Adkins - 4 - On the ball, comfortably if a little unadventurous. Off the ball, lacked any conviction to want it. Got booked for a dirty challenge.

Lee - 3 - Was the furthest Banter player forward when Portland's first goal hit the net. Fact. Yet it was his wing which the play went down. Got mugged off for the 3rd too. A good player, but stands looking at the play far too often (when Banter or the opposition have the ball) and is probably the professor of this artform known as 'silent football' that everyone seems to love. Also ran into one of his own players again.

Bushy - 4 - Loves to break forward, but often loses the ball and walks back to get in his position: centre-back.

Shannon - 0 - You sir, are an absolute wanker.

We lacked a striker, there's no questioning that. But when things weren't quite falling for us that doesn't mean just jog round like you don't give a fuck. A 1-0 loss would've been crap, but the longer you spend wanting the game to be over the more goals you'll concede. It's a joke shouting "come on Banter" every 5 minutes and "we need to lift it" when you don't even try harder. Did you know that that's all it takes? There is nothing positive to be taken from that game and we've just wasted a good opportunity. Sovereign are going to murder us next week.

Sunday 7th December 2008
League, Duppas Hill 1

Banter Central FC 3 - 2 Carlton United
Tino (2 (1 pen)), o.g.

Team: Wuker; L.Dancer, Tino, Boma; Cling, Fintan (Shannon, 46 mins), Gillardino, Lee, Pasty (Wommy, 50 mins (Village 60 mins)); Adkins, Euro

After a week off due to the rain, there was a danger this one could be called off due to how hard the ground was, such was the overnight frost. It wasn't and Banter put in a fantastic hard-working performance to seal victory. It was a positive and energetic start from the blues, the ball being passed around with confidence despite how much it was bobbling up on the solid service. Some long range efforts were barely enough to trouble the Carlton goalkeeper, whilst Cling had multiple throw-ins down the right as the play seemed to be on that side for long spells of the half. But it was the away side who took the lead when a ball into the box was booted high into the air from Boma in Wuker's direction, as he went up with an attacker everyone else stood still and watched as the big goalkeeper allowed it to somehow go in off his head after a wild punch at it. I'd like to say the sun was in his eyes, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. Carlton were 1-0 up, it was a gift and for all the good play, Banter had let in another sloppy goal. The reaction to it was mixed, it took some time for certain individuals to get their heads up and raise their game but the chances continued to flow, Euro had a glorious opportunity to get an equaliser as he found himself one-on-one with the goalkeeper, he got his shot off which was well saved, his follow-up was a wild swing which the goalkeeper picked up easily. Banter won a corner soon after and Cling's cross was dropped onto the penalty spot and scrambled towards goal, it was cleared off the line once, twice, until eventually Tino got in and stabbed it home to make it 1-1. Banter's returning number 10 had been dangerous all half, another shot from wide was well saved by the goalkeeper using his foot and shortly before the half was out, Jonny knocked the ball out wide to Cling who swung in a low cross to the near post for Euro to hit just wide. All square at the break.

The second half began with Banter making one change - Rod Fintan was replaced by Shannon in midfield. The number 4 had taken the decision to withdraw himself due to an illness that we hope isn't as bad as the one he suffered from in Cancun, which saw him remain in his room for 72 hours. After clear instruction to be far more composed on the ball, there were many short and stray passes in the middle of the park which looked as aimless as they did lethargic. Adkins hit a low free kick on target from wide right, the goalkeeper comfortably collecting. Carlton had a fantastic chance to take the lead, a cross from wide right to the back post evaded everyone but the oncoming attacker, his header went well wide. It was an end-to-end affair, Cling going through on goal and having his shot saved, the ball fumbled around before going out for a goal kick. Pasty was replaced soon after by Wommy - who was returning from a hamstring injury. He went up top with Adkins, Euro came into midfield and Shannon pushed wide. Within seconds, a ball was fired into the area by a Carlton player, with 3 stood in an offside position, it took only one to react and blast it home from barely 10 yards. 2-1. Wommy's appearance didn't last long, but his move with Adkins and Euro brought a good chance as he held the ball up and laid if off for Adkins, who in turn hit a defence splitting pass to Euro who fired a shot wide. His run down the right wing was a sign of his menacing best but it brought on the pull in his hamstring and he was soon withdrawn for Village. Another re-shuffle: Euro up top, Shannon middle and Village out wide. Euro's runs down the wing brought foul after foul after foul. One challenge was as blatant a trip as you'll ever see, it was of course let go with some rubbish, non-excuse given by the referee as to what might have not happened. The next was too much, after beating one man he took on another and was chopped down inside the area to win Banter a penalty. Adkins stepped up, but Tino pushed him aside to convert low and hard and make the scores 2-2. Euro had another chance, his shot was well struck and saved low, the ball found him again out wide in the follow up, he skinned his marker and was chopped down to earn his side a free-kick which was centimetres from being another penalty. Carlton had two chances to get a 3rd, the first saw Wuker rounded and somehow the ball scrambled away, the second saw Wuker have a shot blasted at his left hand post, he sprung and got down unbelievably to tip it around for a corner. Banter continued to plug away and got their reward, the ever dangerous Euro went venturing down the left, beat his man, smashed in a low cross for Shannon but it was met by a green shirt and sliced in for an own goal. The blues played out the last 5 minutes, a couple of scares were seen off and the final score was 3-2.

The ratings...

Wuker - 7 - Didn't have a lot to do but it was one extreme to another. Whilst no-one else dealt with Carlton's first, he really didn't. The save at 2-2 was the terrific side, a save which even prompted the opposition to comment. Was very vocal and therefore commanded his area better though.

L.Dancer - 9 - Man of the match. Very solid and did his job well, having been asked to move into the defence. Some confident and clever passes and never afraid to stick his foot in.

Tino - 10 - A dominant display in a game he nearly didn't play. His two goals were as important as all of his clearances and top organising.

Boma - 8 - Surprisingly not called into action particularly much, but mopped up everything thrown at him.

Cling - 6 - Lacked pace and all round sharpness, but lead well and slung in some decent crosses.

Fintan - 7 - A good enough half that he had, worked well and burst into the box to support the attack as usual. Withdrawn only by his own admission.

Gillardino - 9 - Another slow start but another performance to ensure his end result counted. Offered himself as always - from throw-ins in particular in order to keep possession - and gave it simple. The midfield could arguably have fallen apart without his composure today.

Lick Me - 6 - Although he worked hard throughout, I think he ran into his team mates more than he completed a pass. Needs to stop getting so excited when he gets the ball and more than anything should be much, much more vocal and find space to offer a simple pass from a blue shirt.

Pasty - 6 - A fairly quiet game but certainly not a bad one. Withdrawn for a more attacking option.

Adkins - 9 - Had the ball control and hold up play down as much as he did the Owen Hargreaves tackle from behind, to stop a counter attack. Tackled a hell of a lot of a centre-forward, hit some lovely passes and got 90 minutes under his belt despite feeling under the weather and - lest we forget - still not at full match fitness anyway.

Euro - 10 - Sack off your shit job + finish your shit degree = Play for Banter Central FC every week. You silly boy.

Shannon - 6 - A good 45 minutes after a while out and it was nice to have him back. Demands the ball in the penalty area with such determination and it should be noted by all - had an own goal not been scored he would have almost certainly converted a tap-in similar to those in a pre-season friendly. If you don't by the ticket...

Wommy - n/a - Looks like he'll be saved until 2009 now.

Village - 6 - Got on with his job with little fuss and didn't allow the right hand side to become too overrun. The way in which he plays that role is obviously very defensive, but it at least isn't cavalier and sloppy.

It's a win I'm reasonably confident that we'd have lost last season. The fighting spirit, Wuker's save and the will to go and get goals were all excellent. There were times when the 7 or below (ratings) were being carried by the rest, but overall it was a good team performance with everyone offering enough to give the team what they needed: victory. We do have a game on 21st so it's 2 to go before Christmas and after praising the training attendance not too long ago it really has been shit recently, so lets sort that out sharpish! Well played lads, a pleasing win and well deserved too.