THE BANTAS 2010

Tottenham finish 4th and everyone goes mad with excitement. Banter do it and somehow it’s all “what could’ve been” talk.

The Bantas 2010 was to celebrate what a good season it has been for the club. Brilliant football on the pitch with more goals, more wins and more exciting games than any other season. Plus also to celebrate the end of a campaign of great off the field antics as well, with the fantastic spirit and togetherness that the players and everyone else has going on.

A successful night, we hope. Cling might not have been able to control Irish hecklers, Wilkes might not have been able to control technology going wrong and Brownie not able to control handing over the wrong award, but all in all the night was enjoyable.

A new award might have to be added next year though for best soundtrack with the nominees being:

‘He’s Edd and he’s Adkins; Rock the Banter, rock the banter’

‘Oh Tommy, Tommy; Tommy Tommy Tommy, Tommy Warburton’

‘The Wuke, the Wuke, the Wuke is on fire’

‘Icon, Icon, Icon, Icon’

‘B, A, N; T, E, R; Banter’s full of superstars…’

‘Oh Tom Ridley (is talented); Oh Tom Ridley (is talented); Oh Tom Ridley is talented…’

Plus many more that I’ve probably forgotten on the rowdiest bus ride ever.

 

And the winners are…

British Breakthrough Artist – Most Improved Player/Attribute

David Baird’s diving

Though always excellent at simulation, having not played much in 08/09 due to injury, The Icon returned and took the whole thing to a totally new level. I think he even started diving at training. On the astro turf. To be fair, a gust of wind is actually all is needed to make him fall over. Half the time it isn’t cheating, he just has horrendous footing issues – probably because he doesn’t know the difference between a moulded and regular stud.

 

Best Supporting Artist – Best FAG

Lou Edwards

Who? Sorry, that’s Wommy’s Girlfriend. She was suitably embarrassed on the night, though I don’t know why after her fantastic support as always and of course the small issue about filming everything every week for us all to marvel at later. Top work.

 

Best Low Budget Picture – The Save Of The Season

Kurdish United’s goalkeeper

A good reaction save from Hughes’ piledriver back in February, the Kurd beat off stiff competition from Wuker and Wilkes in Tesco.

‘That’s an incredible save’ quickly became a catchphrase, too.

 

The Golden Boot Award

Tommy Warburton, 20 goals

No fancy award names here, everyone was treated to a compilation of some of Wommy’s finer efforts this season as he secured the top scorer award for the second season running.

 

Best Visual Effects – Goal Of The Season

Tommy Warburton vs. Carlton United, 31/01/10

A stunning overhead kick that surprised even himself. We do all that filming but if you forget the camcorder, you will come unstuck. So for the third season running, the goal of the season hasn’t been captured for the benefit of the TV audience. Brilliant. Maybe there’s a hint in there somewhere…

Cling Bak was told off for calling the Wommy Wonder ‘overrated’ on the night as well. To clear that up, in wanting to bring him down a peg or two, what I really meant was: With 6 awards in 3 years, you’re just a greedy c***.

 

Best Live Performance – Game Of The Year

Arrow Ball

It really is a fascinating little game and has been the talk of Banter’s season. It did well, there were some lovely games played this year against Portland and Maple Tree, as well as the other nominees of FIFA 10, The Rocky Horror Trivia Game and Chess.

 

Critics’ Choice For Male Solo Artist – Player’s Player Of The Season

Phil Hughes

In his first full season, Hughesdog has been the engine in Banter Central’s midfield. Goals and assists have not been in short supply and he’s been running games wonderfully for much of the campaign. He should also be recognised for one of the best quotes this season having told someone that they should be booked for wearing leather gloves. Hughes said he owed all of his success to his manager. Ok, he didn’t. Whatever.

 

Best British Group

The Manhire’s Feat. Stella & Becks

Though the above are firm fan favourites, the Sopranos were heavily tipped for this year’s best group award but the Man and Doghire’s rightfully took the award in a strong category that also included the Stewart (Mitchell) brothers.

 

Director’s Choice For Male Solo Artist – Manager’s Player Of The Season

Chris Mann

A glorious debut season from the Rhino. So popular that even the opposition give him flattering nicknames after already being known as Vidic for his no nonsense, tough tackling style. Crossbars, nose bleeds and love were, as reported on the night, his only downfalls to an otherwise perfect individual season. Is the difference between the player’s and manager’s player of the season awards summed up by the following though: Hughes came out with that wonderful sound bite of telling someone they should be booked for wearing leather gloves, as already mentioned. Manny’s reaction? He went spastic and told everybody to stop laughing and joking as this was a serious moment in the match. It probably isn’t the difference, but it’s still a nice coincidence to compare the two now.

 

The Wooden Spoon Award

Rob Stewart

If he wouldn’t have been reluctant enough already, there’s no way that with a referee shortage in future he’ll be volunteering again now. Carlton loved him for it, but 09/10 for Rob will always be the season he awarded the opposition a penalty against his beloved Banter. Yet we all still love him… What a guy.

 

The Banter Central FC Lifetime Achievement Award

Ben Doherty

George Best and Princess Di were appreciated too much after they’d left us. Living legends need to be appreciated whilst they still have even more to give. When he steps onto the pitch he becomes the modern day Chaucer with the insights he has to the game, his team and the opposition. Week after week he has another fantastic quote to add to his collection. Given that he’s had a rather excellent season as well and he became the oldest player (born when everything was in black and white) for Banter again, it was only right to reward his contributions.

 

Thanks once again to everyone who helped on the night and throughout the season. You know who you are. I really appreciate it. Thanks also to everyone who attended, it was a top night.

A written review of the season and the player’s contribution will be coming soon, as well as a likely DVD release. Watch this space.