Midfield

mid-field

noun
1. The section of a playing field midway between goals.
2. Players whose usual positions are in the midfield.

mid-field-er n.

Banter definition: Don't fuck about with it and don't pass back to the defence.

No.: 4
Name: Rob Stewart
AKA: Ron, Fintan
Age: 24
Pos: Midfield
Apps: 39
Goals: 4

Right at the very top of the all-time appearance list, Ron goes into 2009/10 with an injury that might not see him recover for some time. A consistent and hard working midfielder we will miss, but his presence on the sidelines will be valuable, particularly to feel nice when touching his soft hair.

No.: 7
Name: Richard Clark
AKA: Cling Bak
Age: 24
Pos: Winger/Full-back
Apps: 36
Goals: 3

Arguably the most talented member of the entire playing squad. But probably the most deluded. Reach your own conclusions. Club captain, secretary and all round great organiser of men, Cling Bak will tell you how to play the game until he is red in the face, and then demonstrate it in his own special way when he takes to the field. If he scores, expect the shirt to come off as it's been a while.

No.: 8
Name: Edd Adkins
AKA: Prick
Age: 24
Pos: Centre-midfield
Apps: 16
Goals: 2

Making it through a synopsis of Adkins without using the word ‘injury’ is almost always impossible. See, I’ve failed already. Out for 13 months, now back with a good end to last term and full pre-season behind him. A monster left foot, a great physical presence and as much running around as you want so long as it’s within a 10 yard radius.

No.: 13
Name: Tom Ridley
AKA: Ridders
Age: 23
Pos: Winger
Apps: 0
Goals: 0

A new signing and one offering a fresh alternative out wide. Ridders likes beating his man and can whip in a decent cross as well. Whilst he is known for being a goal threat due to his direct nature, it’s also been documented that he once took a goal right off his team-mates toe having watched them round the goalkeeper. Brownie is still seething about that one now and I imagine upon reading this, Euro is taking notes.

No.: 19
Name: Jonny Gill
AKA: Gillardino
Age: 26
Pos: Centre-midfield
Apps: 25
Goals: 3

Jonny’s play is probably most similar to the man he has so often derided – Darren Fletcher. Plenty of energy, interceptions from everywhere and firm, accurate passes. He controls games effortlessly and has legs like a grasshopper, too. Like Pasty, he’ll be leaving us to go and ski down mountains halfway around the World. Tough life.

No.: 20
Name: David Baird
AKA: The Icon
Age: 20
Pos: n/a
Apps: 24
Goals: 8

Another that fell to a long term injury and 2008/09 was not kind to Baird, he managed just 3 games. He’s one of few who’s managed to play every single outfield position and do it without a single complaint so long as he’s up front. If he isn’t complaining about his latest injury or telling you another absolute pearler that will probably go down as the quote of the week, he can usually be found sniffing around the opposition penalty area to try and score a cheap goal.

No.: 21
Name: Phil Hughes
AKA: “Nuts”
Age: 28
Pos: Centre-midfield
Apps: 4
Goals: 2

Nobody has ever actually called him “Nuts” before, but I hear him use the word so much that I come to associate it with him. Some might call him a flash c*** and you are probably entitled to have that opinion, but he’s also a midfield enforcer who can dominate the game and enjoys getting forward to get a goal, too. He also sees himself as the Rio Ferdinand of the group who loves the "epic banter" flying around - perhaps he'll have his own TV show one day as well.

No.: 28
Name: Dan Wilkes
AKA: Wilkesy
Age: 23
Pos: Midfield
Apps: 0
Goals: 0

Co-founder of Sopranos and the instigator for ‘Shitfest’ – a festival saved exclusively for his “favourite” musical acts of all time. Wilkes will offer tireless running throughout a game, whilst giving an easy option to give and receive passes. He’s arguably the fittest individual in the whole squad too, whilst his physical condition isn’t bad either.