October 2009 Match Reports

Sunday 11th October 2009

League, Edward Alleyn Club

Real Madras 1 - 5 Banter Central FC
    Ridders, Wommy (4)

Team: Wuker; Boma (L.Dancer, 75 mins), Vidic, Tino, Cling; Ridders, Adkins, Hughes, Baird (Wilkes, 70 mins); Brownie (Doc, 70 mins), Wommy

Played three, won three. Sometimes Banter don’t always make it very easy for themselves, but have so far not been without hard work and perseverance in order to overcome it.

Despite asking for a confident start, Banter made a sloppy one and didn’t begin to play anything like the football witnessed in previous weeks until at least 15 minutes into the game. It was costly, as Real Madras pushed forward and put the all white’s under a lot of pressure. They found their opening 10 minutes in when a free kick on the edge of the area was pushed across the box and struck tremendously well into the bottom corner to leave everyone on the away team rooted and a little stunned.

The game was never allowed to flow in the first half particularly, the referee blowing for fouls every 30 seconds, literally. Most were puzzling for both sides and neither were playing with any malice as the game was being played in a well contested fashion. It didn’t stop a harsh booking though when a Madras player made a tackle on the halfway line which again meant a long stop in play, neither team welcoming the break. Banter pushed for an equaliser, Brownie made a run from right-back, roasting his marker down the wing before getting to goal and taking a shot having cut in onto his left foot – it drew an excellent save from the goalkeeper. Ridders made a similar run down the right soon after, his inch perfect cross was met by Tino, whose header cannoned back off the crossbar.

Banter eventually found an equaliser, some quick passing down the left found Adkins, who crossed in a searching effort, but as the Madras keeper appeared to have it covered he spilled the ball out and Ridders was on hand, taking a gamble again at the back post to slip the ball into the net from close range.

This gave Banter a bit of a confidence boost, settled the side down and allowed for some good passes to be strung together. A number of corners were swung in from either side towards the Madras penalty area but nothing was converted. Wommy had a fantastic chance to put Banter ahead when an interchange of passes down the left between Baird, Hughes and Cling saw the captain slide in the #11, who’s shot was well saved and turned out for another corner.

The break through came when another typically powerful run from Brownie down the right drew a free kick outside the area – it was a foul, but Banter’s top scorer was running into the area so he didn’t exactly hide his frustration. Another yellow card was shown, perhaps for the position the free kick was conceded, but it still seemed a bit harsh. Ridders whipped the dead ball in wonderfully as Wommy rose high to power in a header to the top corner and give Banter the lead.

Madras continued to apply pressure and looked like they could equalise when their forward went through on goal, only for Boma to nip in and get the ball away to safety at the last second as he beat both opponent and the onrushing Wuker. A rather debatable free kick was awarded on the left wing in favour of the home side after an altercation with a Madras player and Hughes – most assumed the whistle went in favour of the away side – but more questionable was quite why it was deemed to be indirect. It was taken and hit long towards the back post, in almost identical fashion to Woodmansterne’s goal two weeks previous, which left Wuker rooted and day dreaming as it dropped underneath the bar and in. Celebration from those in blue followed, but it was disallowed and a goal kick awarded. A let off to say the least. 2-1 to Banter was the half time score.
Banter dominated far more in the second half and passed the ball around with noticeable conviction. A coming together between Wommy and Madras’ skipper meant the latter had to go off injured and though Banter had a hold of the game, it opened it up completely. Soon after, a Real Madras long ball found the corner flag at left-back, which Cling collected and pushed up the line to Ridders; he moved the ball inside to Adkins, who clipped Wommy through from the right-wing and using his pace he diverted his run in on goal to go one v one with the goalkeeper and slide the ball underneath him to make it 3-1. It was a classic counter-attack and superbly finished.

Brownie should have been celebrating his 6th goal of the season – and for a few moments did – when a ball over the top saw him race through and beat the goalkeeper, but a late, late call from the referee, despite no flag from the linesman, deemed him to have been offside. More offside decisions were made by the referee and the more that were given, the more red in the face our good friend Ron got. Highlights included: “No! No! What are you doing?!” and “I’m just getting so annoyed now.” Brownie and Baird – having both put in excellent displays – were replaced by Wilkes and Doc.
Wommy searched for his hattrick when he went through having timed his run safely – this time starting it in his own half – but his shot was fired wide of the far post. His hattrick did arrive soon after though, much to Brownie’s concern. Vidic’s pass from deep found Hughes who spun and played in Adkins; another of his clipped balls over found Wilkes down the right wing who ran on, drew the keeper in and passed for Wommy to tap in to make it 4-1. Legend Dancer came on in place of Boma, who was making his first start of the season and came away without problem after his back injury.

Hughes’ name should have been on the scoresheet when he ran from deep, played a quick one-two with Doc, but when he continued forward to the goalkeeper he opted for the cheeky dink over the top, which found only the bushes to the side of the left hand post.
“Level”, were the next words from Brownatov, as Adkins played Wilkes in again, he went down the right, rounder the goalkeeper and passed the ball across the face of goal for Wommy to tap in from a couple of yards, having somehow missed a defender. It was 5-1, Ron was more happy, Wommy’s G was more happy and Marie was organising a FAG night out, so she was probably happy enough too. It won’t be in Croydon everyone, because there’s nothing there. Just FYI.

Madras could and should have scored a second moments before the final whistle, a dangerous ball to the back post was headed at point blank range onto the crossbar, but was cleared to safety as Banter went out 5-1 winners.
An excellent win and some very eye catching football played, too. Without taking too much from it, I think Banter can expect more in the return game, particularly if Madras have some more subs available. But it keeps it 3 wins from 3 as a break from league action sees a visit from Surrey Valley this coming weekend in the Leonard Vase Cup.
It’s been a terrific start to the season, lads. A real squad effort too, well done and lets keep it going.

Man of the match: Phil Hughes. A hugely dominant display which controlled the tempo of the game wonderfully. Has struck a great understanding alongside Adkins, whilst also adjusting to play next to Doc, too. The passing was spot on, some of the showboating worked too, which is always his favourite.

Sunday 4th October 2009
League, Purley Way 17

Kurdish United 2 - 9 Banter Central FC
  Brownie (5), Tino (pen), Adkins, Wommy, Hughes

Team: Jewish; Doc, Tino, Vidic (Boma, 70 mins), Cling (L.Dancer, 75 mins); Ridders, Adkins, Wilkes (Hughes, 65 mins), Baird; Wommy, Brownie

It was as comfortable a win as Banter are likely to encounter this season. With 11 goals in total, there will perhaps be forgiveness for slight inaccuracies. But corrections to the usual address as always.

Banter started quickly before dropping down and barely coming out of 2nd gear for a lot of the first half. Baird “scored” inside 5 minutes with a shot from the edge of the area which was spilled by the goalkeeper and went in by about a foot, but neither linesman nor referee gave/saw it (remove for which statement you believe applies to which occupant). Wommy collected the rebound wide of the goal as he managed to hold off his marker whilst screaming at the referee that it clearly went in. His cries were to no avail and Banter continued to have efforts on goal without scoring.

Banter did “score” again shortly after. I wouldn’t like to call the linesman biased, because it is always possible he was just listening to Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees on his iPod whilst holding the flag. Either way he gave a rather debatable offside decision, which Kurdish – from the resulting free-kick – took quickly, only to have their pass cut out by Wommy, who ran towards goal and passed the ball sideways to the oncoming Brownie, who ran beyond his teammate to tap-in. The flag went up, the goal was disallowed. We soon expected to be flagged for offside from throw-ins and out swinging corners.

It took Banter almost 20 minutes to finally get their noses in front, after some sloppy play in midfield and rather hopeful punts up the pitch from everyone on both sides. Tino cleared a header from danger which found Brownie, who ran a good 30-40 yards before rifling his shot into the far corner to open up his Banter scoring account.

A second soon followed, this time a clearance forward from Wilkes ran into Brownie’s path, who took the ball on from a similar angle to his first and with the goalkeeper approaching he just dinked the ball delightfully over him and into the net to make it 0-2.

When Ridders was brought down in the area, it sparked the debate of the day: who’s taking the penalty? Adkins claimed the ball and spotted it. But once again Tino reminded him of just who takes these things. Take it he did – and scored – but yet another goal was disallowed. Some poor gamesmanship from a Kurdish player saw him quite deliberately enter the area before the ball was kicked and in fairness to the referee, despite it going in he had blown up as it was being taken so asked for a retake. It’s a tactic I must remember for the next time we concede one of these. Tino also smashed his second attempt in with precision and made it 0-3.

Brownie then hit his first of a number of records on the day, shortly before half time. His speculative effort from outside the area was spilled by the goalkeeper to complete his hattrick. It’s the fastest ever Banter Central hattrick, at 45 minutes from game start and around 25 minutes from first goal to last (TBC). He joins Rob ‘Romantic’ Morley and Wommy as Banter’s hattrick heroes and is alongside Morley in scoring a hattrick on his full debut.

Banter came out for the second half determined to keep a clean sheet and to score more goals. Some of that was achieved as quite frankly, the already bizarre game turned into what Legend Dancer would go on to describe as: “Organised chaos”. The diving, the handballs, the pretend whistle blowing and shirt tugging became, quite frankly, a little boring. Wuker managed to lighten the general mood though, albeit without knowing it at all. He was our linesman for the day and his red t-shirt was the same colour as Kurdish United’s kit, which Doc found difficult as everytime he looked across the backline he thought there was unmarked winger on the far side (being fair, Doc is 31 and his eyesight isn’t what it was when he was 21). As a result, he kindly – and rather clearly – asked Wuker to change his top because it was confusing. Now, this one beats any amount of Euro arrogance, any Pasty voicemail or David Baird question. Wuker, who was running the line using a blue Banter shirt because of no flags, came out for the second half wearing the same clothes but now holding a white t-shirt in his hand as the flag. Thanks. That’s cleared that one up, then. Perfect.

The mood was lightened even further when Brownie's saved shot fell to a Kurdish defender who could've been clearing it but appeared to attempt a screamer into his own goal. It hit a teammates arm, but only a corner was awarded - despite the referee admitting he'd seen what'd happened. All very strange. Wommy and Brownie both had plenty of chances and they even took some of them, too. Brownie added his 4th goal when he lobbed a bouncing through ball over the goalkeeper from just inside the penalty area and he got a 5th from a lovely team goal which saw Wilkes juggle the ball through the area, lob a defender and catch his pass on the other side to tee up Brownie for a simple header. It is the most goals scored for Banter by anyone in one game. But that still doesn’t entitle him to the match ball.

Three changes were gradually made, though Banter conceded almost immediately after the first. Hughes came on to replace Wilkes – who had helped himself to a couple of assists and, if you ask him and only him, would’ve kept the team a clean sheet as well. Nothing anyone could do to prevent a moment’s relapse as Deano dropped a routine catch to a Kurdish forward, who tapped in. Having played the Rene Higuita “sweeper keeper” system so effectively all morning, it was a harsh blow, albeit meaningless. Boma came on to replace the faultless Vidic at centre-back, whilst Legend Dancer – having just passed a late fitness test – slotted in at left-back to replace Cling, who’d had an indifferent game.

More goals followed. Baird was brought down for a penalty which this time, Tino let Adkins take. His shot was saved but the rebound converted. The banter that followed was relentless. It included Adkins claiming he still gets the next one due to Tino’s “I must make amends” ruling, Tino didn’t believe it should count for him and was worried what would happen in a real pressure situation. Adkins then questioned what happened in the highest of pressure scenarios during Banter’s 2008 Cup final when Tino had a penalty, which prompted Tino to at least brag about playing in that game in the first place. It’s a debate that’s been running for nearly a year, when Tino insisted he step up to score and help Banter to a 3-2 win over Carlton in December. It’s one that I imagine will continue, too. I don’t care, boys, as long as they go in.

Wommy opened up his scoring account for 09/10 when a ball through from LD was tucked underneath the goalkeeper. After some sloppy play and more than a hint of offside, Kurdish grabbed a second goal on the day but Hughes completed the 2-9 rout when Wommy – initially having stopped due to a pretend whistle from a Kurdish player – slipped him through, which saw the substitute round the goalkeeper and tap home. There will be games this season where Hughes’ experience and quality is needed far more than it was in this game, against a side who didn’t even manage to complete the 08/09 season in Division 1. But even the occasions where he’s given half a chance, he still takes them and it got him his first goal of the season.

Bizarre game, nice to score lots of goals and though we didn’t really exert ourselves, we still did well to get nine.

Man of the match: Chris Brown. He won’t get to score five times every week, he won’t get that many chances per game either I very much doubt, but the positions needed to be taken up and the finishing has to be done. If it was that easy, we’d all have had a hattrick. Brownie looked like he had a point to prove, worked hard and took a couple of goals exceptionally well, the pick of the bunch on his own personal level having to be the deft chip for his second. An excellent display on his first competitive start.