Ron's Blog

Banter Central FC’s famous Croydon Municipal Sunday Football League Ladder

Robert Stewart of Fintanshire draws up his list of who he believes sits where in the pecking order when Banter’s team is picked. It might be his view through the manager’s eyes, but is he right? Is he even close? Who are Banter’s favourites? And who are the FavouritesTM ? That’s a bit like asking who the best players are against the best playa’s.

The list is due for constant change as the weeks and games pass by, but for now, 24 names start the list and all begin as new entries. Well, it is the first one.

1. Chris Mann (NE)

Straight in at top spot is our Nemanja Vidic-alike. Cling has come up with the cunning plan to build his new Banter defence around Chris. Cunning indeed as he has been a man of the match contender every week of the season so far.

2. Phil Hughes (NE)

Want to unlock the best defences in the Croydon Municipal Sunday Football League? This is your best option. Want to feel depressed after narrowly losing a cup game? This is your best option.

3. Chris Brown (NE)

6 goals make ‘Brownie’ our top goal scorer. Much like Emile Heskey, players love him, managers love him, ignorant FAGs scratch their heads. Edd loves him the most. Just ask him about his man crush.

4. Tommy Warburton (NE)

Our all time top scorer and very own PC plod enters at number 4 after bagging himself 5 goals already this season. If he had found his finishing touch against Kurdish, he would have been above Brownie. If he tickles me at the weekend, this may also come true.

5. Andrew Sheridan (NE)

Nobody knows what he says, but everyone must follow his example. Well known for lounging around in his pants after a hard Sunday’s work, ‘Tino’ is an integral cog in the Banter machine yet again.

6. Edd Adkins (NE)

Fit and back in shape, ‘Adkins’ enters at number 6 after forming a solid partnership with Phil Hughes. Rumour has it this partnership ‘extends’ to the shower. Parin told me. I think he’s getting jealous.

7. Tom Ridley (NE)

The silent assassin on the wing, but I’m sure he has a mean streak in him as well as vocal chords. Some goals and key assists put ‘Ridders’ right up in the fold.

8. Dave Baird (NE)

More energy than a Jack Russell on steroids, his adaptability to new positions is a joy to behold. In my opinion, most affective on the wing, but would probably be a cheerleader if he was asked.

9. Richard Clark (NE)

Has managed to juggle a large squad very well as captain, although has perhaps underperformed by his own standards on the pitch. A goal would help. It has been a while. I don’t care if you’re playing left back. Check the strike against Woodmansterne on the video. Scuffed it is an understatement.

10. Dan Wilkes (NE)

‘Wilkes’ is yet to play a whole game, but he has quickly become a FAGs favourite in his own mind. His ability to play anywhere across the midfield will prove invaluable going forward. Could also do with a goal, but a number of assists have been very nice indeed.

11. Luke Manhire (NE)

Bounced back after being dropped and has performed admirably since returning. Luke Manhire would be higher but for the shirt swapping incident against Kurdish. Stella could be his eventual downfall. No, I don’t mean his dog.

12. James Manhire (NE)

The self titled Legend Dancer falls just outside the top 11. I dread to think how dirty that white kit is going to get when the rain starts. Talk to Phil about staying on your feet. He’ll probably get angry.

13. Ben Doherty (NE)

Our defensively minded father has found himself on the edge of the first team this season. He has slotted in nicely beside Phil in the middle of the park a couple of times, and is equally adept at full back as he is at centre back. When injuries hit, this flexibility will be vital. Unless he gets injured, of course.

14. Parin Patel (NE)

Injuries and commitment issues have meant last seasons most improved player has fallen down the pecking order slightly. Cling suggested a blowy in the changing rooms might change that, but Pal doesn’t show his emotions in public.

15. Dean Yeoman (NE)

Our second choice keeper and all round Mr nice guy is slightly forgotten in the first team this season. Another that can perform in many positions, so much so that he created the new position of ‘Sweeper Keeper’ against Kurdish. Likes to run.

16. Jon Stewart (NE)

A trip to Vegas coupled with the diary of a very socially active woman have meant Jonathan David Stewart has found himself mostly sidelined this season. He assures me that he didn’t marry any strippers in Vegas, or befriend any babies, or steal any Tigers. He may however, still be harbouring a naked Chinese man in the boot of his car. It may or may not be Village.

17. Alex Bush (NE)

His lack of availability has left him nursing several hangovers, and generally running the line this season. The solid defence ahead of him means it will be hard to break through without a solid commitment to training, and favours of any variety directed towards our captain.

18. Rob Stewart (NE)

Injured, but above the rest courtesy of soft hair. And those below are all generally unavailable.

19. Andrew Hills (NE)

Cycling to the moon has stopped Andrew from playing this year. That and his 90 year old ankles.

20. Andrew Moreland (NE)

A passion for Rugby has kept Andrew away from the Banter team this season. I enjoyed him making his Howard Webb performance though.

21. Jonny Gill (NE)

Canada called for our midfield maestro, and he just couldn’t resist the lure of bears and beers with his great mate Chris Davis (22). He would perhaps run back from Canada if Cling asked really nicely.

22. Chris Davis (NE)

Our second Canadian enjoyed a full pre-season knowing he would be heading off to Whistler for a season in the snow. Like you didn’t know that already.

23. Connor Shannon (NE)

Connor is so absent that even the Canadians are above him.

24. Justin Said (NE)

He went to some island and still somehow managed to lose his mates money. He stays at the bottom until I see him eat a roast dinner again. When I see that, he’s off the list.

This list will evolve as the week's go by, so watch this space.