Banter Central FC’s infamous Croydon Municipal Sunday Football League Ladder

Chris Brown continues on from episode four of Robert Stewart of Fintanshire’s list of who he believes sits where in the pecking order when Banter’s team is picked...

Previous (Rob’s) positions in brackets.

1. Tommy “Wommy” Warburton (1)
He may not have scored as many as last year yet, but with at least three games still to play - 20 goals is very achievable for our favourite of the Wommy’s. His finishing is clinical, but his assist record and general non-stop hard work and battling up front make him my number one person, not just at Banter; at life in general.

2. David “Kid” Baird (14)
A recent performance from the Kid against Carlton showed us all what he is capable of. I think all of us would honestly say they would hate to play against Baird, since his pace is terrifying. The way he can pick up the ball and race down the line to put in a cross is great for the team. The only downfall of this is sometimes Baird is too quick and there is nobody in the box to get on the end of it!

3. Andrew “Tino” Sheridan (5)
Dangerous at both of ends of the pitch. I take this from experience when I say that he’s horrible to play against, having faced him for Oakfield. He’s not afraid to throw any part of his body in the way when defending, he has a lethal shot, is good at pens and one of the best headers of the ball I have played with.

4. Chris “Browners” Brown (13)
I’ve put myself in fourth because I think have played well this season so far. I believe the contrast to last season has been fairly noticeable and hopefully I have a few more goals in me before the season ends.

5. Phil Hughes (3)
He has missed one or two games of late, but thanks to a couple of very good team performances his presence hasn’t been missed too much. However, against tougher opposition it is always noticeable. His goal scoring this year has added to his game and when he’s in there, he bosses the midfield. A nice guy all round, everyone loves Hughes-Dog.

6. Phil “The Power” Tyler (New Entry)
Tyler has been excellent this year. Don’t let his size fool you, he is a top, top keeper. His quick distribution of the ball is refreshing and I think he improves with every game we play.

7. Daniel “Dean Rafael Fabio DaSilva Possebon Gaffney Elmander” Wilkes (7)
His consistency is actually his downfall, I think. Every game he runs around for 90 minutes non-stop and “spoiling things”. When the final whistle goes he’s ready to do it all again. He has forced extra time twice now for Banter and that’s no accident, he likes to run around for as long as possible. You don’t notice when he plays well, you only notice when he has been to the Swan the night before.

8. Ben “Doc” Doherty (11)
He’s Ben to Tino, but he’s “Doc” to everyone else. There’s a saying: “you can’t teach an old Doc new tricks” and that’s because knows them all. Doc has been great this season and for me, very consistent and very commanding at the back. If he doesn’t win the first ball, he will definitely win the second. Heavily respected by his peers, when Doc talks: you listen. I would be lost without his endless tape supply as well.

9. Rob “Rod Fintan” Stewart (15)
After a few cameo’s last season, this season has really been an eye opener for me as to how good Rob is at doing his job on the field. When he is told to hold he does and disrupts play excellently, when he is told to push forward he does so excellently as well, even grabbing a few goals for himself!

10. Tom “The Talented Mr” Ridley (10)
Ridders has had a quiet season, but his work rate is always the same and that’s 100% every game. The change in formation has seen him hold back a bit more and I would like to see him bombing down the wing more and getting those crosses into the box like he does so well, because nobody crosses the ball better than Rids.

11. Richard “Cling Bak” Clark (8)
Cling Bak has sacrificed himself for the team this season, as last season he made the left back position his own. Changing the formation of the team has left him with question: “Where do I play myself?”. He’s answered this by playing everywhere! If someone is missing, he throws himself in there. We have seen him at left back, centre back, right wing and centre mid. He never disappoints; solid defender, skilful attacker and two goals in two games of late proves that.

12. Jon “Gilly” Gill (21)
One of the most casual players I have ever seen. I love him for it. If Wilkes is the spoiler, I don’t know what to call Gilly! Nothing gets past him. His distribution of the ball is excellent and it’s very pleasing to see him scoring a few goals. I just wish I could see more of him.

13. Chris “Vidic” Mann (4)
I think the change in formation has again had a big impact on “My Boy”. He was dominant last season at the centre of defence, this season has seen him play at every position across the back and it’s not an easy thing to do. Still dominant wherever he plays, Vidic the rhino always puts the effort in. The drop down the ladder is mainly down to the games he’s missed this season.

14. James “Legend Dancer” Manhire (15)
Very pleased to see LD back in the side recently, his dedication is faultless. Normally late to training, but at least he is there! I also enjoy the way he applies ridiculous amounts of deep heat to his groin before every game, it’s like he has a sponsorship with them!

15. Parin “Poisson Rouge” Patel (3)
Solid defender, definitely our quickest, if he didn’t like Thursday drinks so much we would see him at training every week without fail. Riddled with injuries and trips away this campaign has seen us miss Boma at the back for part of the season. But what a guy.

16. Jon “J-dot” Stewart
J-dot’s busy schedule has seen him go missing recently. His appearances when we did see him this season saw terrific work rate and 100% commitment, as always. Hopefully we can see more of this soon.

17. Edward “Sugar Lips” Adkins (6)
How fit is Edd!? Well, not very in all honesty. A knee problem has left us without him for 95% of the season. One game, one assist. Imagine if he’d played all season - remember his goal in the Banter v Central game? Nuff said!

18. Chris “Goody” Goodenough (New Entry)
‘Goody’ to his friends, ‘Goody with the beard’ to everyone else. What a beard. A few appearances from Goody this year has left some people asking why he doesn’t play more often. Always does what is asked of him and is excellent when called upon.

19. Rick “Bennett-Man” Bennett (New Entry)
A few cameo appearances this season, he’s great when he comes along, is a good laugh and a nice guy.

20. Andrew “Hore” Moreland (19)
“The Chairman”. Great banter when he comes to training, even better in the Banter v Central game. He should be around more.

21. Chris “Pasty” Davis (20)
What a guy. Pasty has been absent for the majority of the season. A trip to Canada to see a specialist kept him out for most of last campaign and rumour has it that he is expected to go back there to see the same guy, so may be out for even longer.

22. Alex “Bushy” Bush (19)
Bushy, like Pasty, has been absent for most of the season. A source close to Bushy has told Banter that he doesn’t care about football and that to him it’s ‘just a job’.

23. Connor Shannon (23)
I miss him. I’m not sure if he’s still considered a squad member, but either way he’ll still be ahead of Justin.

24. Justin Said (24)
Had an excellent game against Kurdish recently, seeing him play out wide and whipping in crosses was very good. He even grabbed himself a goal! Due to work commitments, his attendance is sporadic and I’m sure if he had his way he would be available all time. However, I was recently subbed in finally entered play, he played for about 10 minutes and then was subbed off as he had to go to work! I would like to see more of the Euro from the Kurdish game please.